Sun Signs, First Dates and Happy Endings.

I have been going on a lot of first dates lately.

After a year of not dating, I am currently doing more dating than ever before and I can honestly say that I’m having the time of my life.  In the last few months I have had so many moments of joy, mystery and hope with these men  that I am meeting. I have been inspired greatly by them and my creativity is alive and thriving by the help of them.  I have never had more fun in dating (and in life in general). I am meeting really good human beings. I mean that. There are many incredible men in this world.

I go on dates, have great experiences, laugh often and more often than not, have done my fair share of crying as well. What a vulnerable spot for me: dating and men. I don’t feel like a huge success story in this area of my life which means that it’s a raw spot for me. I often cry. When I say that i cry, I am saying that these men move me in different ways and that changes me. They are changing me and I am healing myself with each first date.  I feel grateful to have met all of them. I say this with honesty and I also say that none of these men have chosen me. But you know what? I haven’t chosen some of them either, and that’s ok.

I get rejected often.  In the past I would have been devastated by that rejection and I would have dismissed the experience or the man or both and made it into something negative. The moment it wouldn’t work out would be the moment I would dismiss it and not see any of the beauty or the gifts it held. I would see only the rejection and the wound which would mean that I missed the point.

Well, I haven’t been missing the point lately.

This post is about 3 Bachelors that I have picked out of the mix and they are named by their Sun Signs. Let me tell you about our first dates and the ways that they were all happy endings because of what they taught me.

Bachelor number 1 is an Aries and he was wonderful, he won me over immediately with his charm, and his curiosity.  He was attentive to me and I loved that. I enjoyed every conversation with him and often felt lifted by his spirit.    We had a great first date and talked for many weeks after. We never made it to date number 2 because Mr. Aries sent me the most beautiful, vulnerable and honest text letting me  know that he was unavailable for me. He was not over his ex and he was struggling to move forward. He was my first dive back into dating and he taught me that men can be powerful, vulnerable, honest and kind. He made me feel like it was safe to get out there and date and gave me hope that there are great men to get to know. One of the best gifts he gave me (and the one I didn’t want to see) was that I too was still somewhat unavailable.  That made me cry. He changed my life because I have made choices for myself to be more available since that ended. I want to be fully available right now.

Bachelor number 2 is a Scorpio and I told him I wouldn’t judge him for his sign and we laughed and we meant it.  He was light hearted and joked often. I adored him. He was funny and drop dead gorgeous and sweet. He was honest and one of the first things he asked me was if he could read my poetry. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to because if he did then he might not want to date me. He laughed at this and said he wanted to know about all of me, so I showed him where to find my poems. He read them all and the next day he told me which one was his favorite and which one made him cry. He told me that he hopes that I never stop writing and that he will buy my book when I write it one day. He said he copied his favorite poem of mine on his computer. That was the last time we spoke. I cried over his beauty.

Bachelor number 3 is a Sagittarius, just like me. What I love about a Sagittarius man (my ex husband was one) is that in my experience, they are not afraid to tell me I’m wrong. They do this with strength and grace. Bachelor number 3 with both strength and grace schooled me on our first date, like a true Sag. Let me tell you, when I met him I knew I would be in trouble because I just couldn’t take my eyes or my hands off of him! We had an intense chemistry that I haven’t felt in a while and we went deep (fast!) both physically and in conversation. We talked about a lot of things that were important to us, with the time we had. He talked about sciencey stuff and told me I needed to buy plants for my apartment and he was right, so I bought some the next day and I’m not a girl that likes advice. I am a girl that can admit when someone is right though.

Mr. Sag and I talked about family, past relationships… everything! This is when I got schooled.  One of the most meaningful parts of this for me was how passionate he was in telling me how incredibly wrong I was being in my relationship with my father. I confided in him that I haven’t spoken to my father in a couple of years. I also shared that I understand that we don’t speak because we trigger each other. He immediately asked me, “Why?”, and scrunched his face.   i knew what he was he asking.  He was asking why I poke him and he continued asking me more questions.  My father and I simply had a big argument and then we stopped talking. I tried calling a couple of times with no call back so I stopped trying.

That’s when he told me I had it all wrong. He said, “Diana, your dad is just a dude. He makes mistakes just like everyone.” He told me over and over that he was my dad and that even if he doesn’t respond to me ever, I should never stop trying. He told me I should be annoying in my love and let go of his response. He said if I call him today and he doesn’t call back, than i should call again the next day.  He told me my dad doesn’t owe me anything and I owe him everything and maybe he is right. It made me uncomfortable but I loved what he was saying and I knew that it was true by the way it felt.  We continued talking and at the end of the night before he left he placed his forehead on my forehead and said with tenderness, “ Do the dad thing, okay?”   

I cried and said a prayer when he left  because I knew he came in and out of my life like a breeze  but he changed my life forever; for the better. My heart changed from this one date and  I will take that, and I can leave that.  Bachelor number 3 showed me what I should hold on to and what I should let go of.

xo,

Diana

PS.  I did reach out to my dad and write him a love letter.   I did reach out to Bachelor Number 3 after our date. I haven’t heard from either one of them.   That’s not the point. The point is who I’m becoming because of it.